Rumor is I'm a big spender

I wish I could spend money and not even think about it.

I never used to think about it when it was my parent's money - I mean, why shouldn't I get the $100 shoes? or the $60 jeans?

I remember a few years ago Brian and I wound up with a large amount of money and I used some of it for a shopping trip to Ikea - things that had only ever been on our wish list. It was very exciting. I only got a few items, but it added up to over $300. I couldn't believe I was actually going to spend that much money. I walked up to the cashier and the floor began to spin and I literally felt ill.

I am always worried about spending money. I love to browse the store ads each week and mark the things I would like to buy. Then the ads go in the trash because I know I'm fooling myself.

I never buy clothes for my kids. I feel very fortunate to have older siblings willing to pass along bins and bins full of out-grown clothes that my kids can use. I can probably count on two hands how many outfits I have actually paid for myself.

The other day I went through all the hand-me-downs in Paige's dresser to see what kinds of stuff I needed to get before she started school. It seemed like she had pretty much everything she needed, but I wanted to give her the fun of just one special outfit she could wear on the first day of school. Like she even cares - its probably more for me. I loved the first day of school and laying out my outfit carefully the night before, complete with socks in shoes. Love, love that feeling.

So I headed out to find a cute outfit. My plan was Ross - because I feel like I can get a good deal there. They didn't have much to choose from and I was pretty disappointed. So I went next door to Old Navy. I have not shopped there for years. And this was absolutely the first time I have been in the Girls department (I think I've been to the toddler section at some point). They had lots of cute things and I wanted all of it. Why does everything have to be so darn expensive? I was pretty disappointed. But Paige tried on a few things and we came away with some very cute pants and a top and some leggings - $50. I tried not to think about it. Afterall, this is my first-born, and her first day of school, and she deserves it. I feel guilty all the way home.

I won't buy myself anything unless it is under $10 -- 6 is more like it. And I just paid $20 for a pair of pants that she probably won't even fit into next year...but they were really cute pants.

Well, today I did a little more shopping - Burlington, Kid2Kid, and Shopko. I am pleased with the results, and feel much better about the use of my money. Old Navy will have to wait for my business another year. I think Paige will look very cute for school ... now if she would only allow me to do her hair ...